Dear Puggle:

I am in love with a friend but confused by her actions around me. “Lisa” and I met in college and, after she graduated, she moved to Utah. Recently, I traveled out to see her and, even though she insisted we were both friends, made advances that seemed more than platonic. I have considered moving out there to be near her and, recently, have been unable to think about anyone but her while on dates with other women. I want make Lisa more than just a friend, but can’t escape that label. What would you do?

Frank the Friend

Friend:

I don’t envy your situation. Have you ever seen that crappy movie “Just Friends” or whatever? The one that got like horrid reviews but has been watched in my house nonetheless? Well, it sounds like your life is a crappy movie, except you’re not Ryan Reynolds.

Here’s the thing, if she says one thing but does another, you have to start looking at her actions. Sniff her butt, that’s always gives insight into someones subconscious, and start making minor moves. For instance, start sitting a little ways away from her on the couch, and slowly work towards her until you end up laying in her lap. That’s what I do to get where I want.

Or, you could go the fastest route and just start humping her leg. Fair warning, though: she might kick you.