Dear Bruiser,

You are the 2nd cutest canine EVER! I am a huge fan. That golden coat, that under bite…well, I could go on all day.
Anyhoo, I was wondering, are you friends with the Puggle in I Love You Man? I rented that movie last weekend, and when I saw the Puggle, I cried out “BRUISER IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTER THAN YOU!!” I couldn’t help myself. I hope you don’t think I’m a stalker or anything, but I just think you are so adorable! And I wondered if you hang out with the canine Hollywood elite.
I can’t wait for your reply, Bruiser!!

Love, your biggest fan,
Old Lady Grubbs
Butler, Pa.

Grubbsie,

This is a question I get all the time. And, honestly, it’s an offensive one. Do I hang out with the canine Hollywood elite? I am the canine Hollywood elite. Need proof?

Here I am with Paris and Niki Hilton, Russell Simons, and some other D-bags at a party. That dude with the cap? MASSIVE TOOL. I won’t even mention his name. He also smells worse than I do. Jus’ sayin’.

“But how come I never see pictures of you in the gossip rags like People, or In Touch, or Playdog,” you’re probably wondering.

That’s because, like Jon Bon Jovi, I have a “gentleman’s agreement with the paps to not shoot me when I’m out and about. Consequently, candids of me are pretty rare. But here are a few rare images that prove my superstar Hollywood status.

And here I am with Kanye and Lady Gaga, before K. West decided to cancel their tour. You know, after the whole Taylor Swift/MTV Video Music Awards thing, people were talking about how ‘Ye might have a drinking problem. To that, I say: No comment. I can’t snitch on my boy!

And here, because you specifically asked about it, is me on the set of I Love You Man with Paul Rudd and Jason Whatshisnameorsomething. Honestly, J. What is a cool guy, and I loved him on Freaks and Geeks. He and Doogie Howser make How I Met Your Mother watchable (who gives a pooper scooper about Ted, anyway?) But for the life of me, I can never remember Jason’s last name. Does this make me a bad dog? Yes, it probably does.

In case you needed any more proof (and I doubt you do), here’s a screen cap from my latest gig.

That’s right, I’m in one of the new Apple Mac/PC ads. And, because it’s on the Internet, it must be true!

So, yes, I do hobnob with Hollywood stars. Because I am one. Got a question? Write ask [at] askapuggle [dot] com and have your questions (and dreams) answered.